Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is Kristy's birthday. Everyone, please leave some kind of message!

No, Kristy has not taken up an affection for the "third person"--I, Tom, have taken over her poster. Mwahaha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

08.26.03 12:06pm(8 comments)

What the extreme left hates about the Bible….

A bit on the stereotypical side, but still funny :)

Moses parted the Red Sea without first performing an environmental impact study.

Jesus gave a Sermon on the Mount where he talked of giving to the poor, and spoke out against greed, and all without charging attendees $300 per ticket. (Barbra Streisand only).

The term "The Three Wise Men" is insensitive to the intellectually challenged. That should be changed to the "Trio of educationally advantaged amateur astronomers."

Instead of gold, frankincense and myrrh, they should have brought hummus, incense and a representative from Child Protective Services.

The Virgin Mary didn't first meet with consultants from Planned Parenthood.

Ten plagues and still not a single person thought of nationalizing health care?

Adam didn't ask Eve for verbal as well as written consent before touching her.

Of course Cain killed Abel. He was obviously suffering either from bipolar disorder, low blood sugar, emotional abuse as a child, or societal neglect.

"The trials of Job" were nothing. Try getting a job with nothing but a masters degree in Norwegian Art History that's a test!

Too bad Greenpeace didn't have their own ark so they could have rammed Noah's Ark. You just know that, after the flood, Noah sold those animals to the circus.

The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah could have easily been prevented if they would have passed hate-crime legislation sooner.

Jesus is one of the greatest teachers in history, but isn't a member of the National Education Association. In other words, God uses scab labor.

David slew Goliath simply because he was unfortunate enough to have been stricken with gigantism.

"The Last Supper" didn't offer an option for people on gluten-free diets, and the fat content on the food was not labeled.

The part about Jonah and the whale becoming entangled in tuna nets is conveniently passed over in the Old Testament.

God should have spent the seventh day not resting, but rather going around putting warning stickers on all potentially dangerous, really pointy things.

What's the big deal about Nebuchadnezzar spending seven years ingesting grass? Heck, Woody Harrelson's done it longer than that.

The Bible mentions nothing about obtaining the necessary permits to build the Tower of Babel.

People lived to be hundreds of years old without prescription-drug coverage? I don't think so.

Jesus turned water into wine, which was not very mindful of those who happened to be teetering on the brink of plunging down the stairs of their 12-step program.

Of all the wealth possessed by King Solomon, the amount he donated to environmental causes: $0.

08.26.03 6:17am(1 comment)

This one’s for my Homies….

THANK YOU

Nate - Jay - Jeb - Dale - Mays - Pete

The move in was a success thanks to you guys. Tom and I couldn't afford pro movers and couldn't have done it by ourselves. Thanks for all your hardwork, we're truly endebted to you.

Once everything is moved in, we're throwing a party for you guys :)

08.17.03 1:58pm(6 comments)

Fasten your seatbelt, girl. This is going to be a bumpy night…

Fortunately, Tom and I survived the canoe trip from hell, although banged up and quite angry. Ain't no one your friend when you don't know how to canoe, they're are drunken assholes everywhere, and most of the river is only ankle deep and full of rocks. Needless to say, it took a few days for Tom and I to get back into normality again, and we still have our aches and bruises. Would I do it again? Sure, but under different circumstances.

So we get back and recover, now we have to move. I just called Time Warner Cable and we can't get cable internet or TV until the 21st of August!!!! GAAAAAHHHHH!!! There is no God! Oh yeah, this is something that I would've scheduled long ago, but I ran into the usual "assholes still in the apartment can't schedule when they're leaving until someone asks them to do so" issue. So yeah, TWC wouldn't let me schedule early because these people still hadnt called them to tell them it was disconnected. I did get some satisfaction out of TWC calling them at 6:30 in the morning.

I still have to schedule a Uhaul, but the folks at the uhaul place never answer the phone. Thanks guys. I need boxes, but most of those have been cleaned out too. I think I'm going to scavage some Toledo liquor stores to see if they have any, but who knows where an adventure of that caliber will take me. I just hope everything goes okay, but I'm really nervous. Fortunately for Tom and I, Dale has volunteered to help us(any other kind volunteers are most welcome as well). Last time it took 3 people to move the bed, so I didn't know how we were going to do it otherwise. Thank you thank you thank you Dale!

At least this time, we're moving into an apartment that's square on the ground instead of in a sunken pit like the one we have now. We'll also have new carpet, central air, washer and dryer, etc... It'll be a nice change to get out of the ghetto. Hopefully we'll have decent neighbors (unlike our ghettolicious next door neighbor) and Jeb and Kristen are up on the 3rd floor too (so there's some sanity in the building).

Okay, change of plans. I just called Time Warner and said, hey, why cut off the guy's cable access that are already in there if we want it too? So they're not going to disconnect the services, but then they're also going to come out on the 21st to make sure everything is working. Hooray! Now hopefully it'll work :) Phwew, feeling a little better now.

Work is starting to get a little more exciting now that I havea whole bunch of money to spend, lots of computers and software to buy, purchase orders to write, etc. It's going to be a crazy next few months, but I think I'm going to not only learn a lot, but get a lot of good experience too :) If all goes well, we can hire my intern, Mark after he graduates.

Speaking of work, I better go get ready... stressful days ahead... Ahoy!

08.08.03 6:48am(4 comments)

Help a Sistah Out

Wanted:

Nonprofit needs a solution for a client intake and basic information website by December.

Website template engine for a small to medium business built with either Apache/PHP/MySQL or IIS/ASP/SQL Server 2000. Website to be hosted for us by us, website maintained by those with little to no technical experience.

We're currently looking at a Zope solution, but I see no reason to add another technology (zope/python/zodb) to the network when we already have 2 that do the same thing.

Any suggestions?

08.05.03 12:00pm(2 comments)