My saga continues...

I came home today and a lot of Jenn's stuff was gone. She's moving out and taking a lot of the stuff we shared with her... like furniture, pots, pans.

So yeah.. literally... I don't have a pot to piss in.

On top of this.. I have eight million things to do including finishing this program for networking, packing so I can see my mom tomorrow, studying for a php quiz at 8:30 am, and trying to stay sane...

This was the straw that broke the camel's back. Jenn was going to move out and not talk to me about it. She had mentioned that I had been a bitch for the last two years and that she really hated me. Through my tears I mentioned to her that I was always there when she needed someone and that she had really impeccable timing to screw me over... She hugged me while I was bawling.. we had a few beers and some cigs at the table and i got to calm down a bit..

I just need to stay sane and keep my shit together. I really can't take much more.

03.29.02 12:08am(2 comments)

OK... got a hold of gramma...

Grampa had some really bad stomach cramps and is at home. Everything is okay with his heart, which is very big (figuratively).

mom..sounds good....

im going to bed..

03.26.02 11:36pm(0 comments)

I got to talk to my mom this morning and she sounds *SO* much better. The doctor is supposed to tell her this afternoon if she can go home or not. Being my mother, she's really anxious to "get the hell out" of there and to get a new set of fingernails (she ripped her fingernails off when she went into the hospital.. they do that so that they can look at your fingernails and see if anything is wrong with you). Perhaps this was the wakeup call that she needed to tell her what we've been trying to tell her for awhile: to slow down a bit and take care of herself. She's such a workaholic.

We're both pretty excited that I'm coming down this weekend. I'm so glad that I get to see her after all of this; I probably would've gone nuts if I weren't able to visit. I just have to make it through this week and I'll be OK.

I'm about halfway done with all the homework due today,.. we'll see if I can get it all finished. Even though I really didn't want to work last night (despite class cancellation, a level II snow warning, and after being told I didn't have to work... I had to actually work) it was good for me because I get more accomplished in the lab. When I'm at home, there are so many distractions (cleaning mainly). The apt is pretty clean since Jenn's been gone for a week, but I think she's coming home tonight. At least the bulk of my issues had occurred while she wasn't here because that's one more thing that I really didn't want to deal with.

Alright... enough chattin' BACK TO WORK!

03.26.02 8:50am(0 comments)

Mom update:

My mom's okay and I've been able to talk to her a few times. However, she did have a mild heart attack saturday morning and they're going to preform an angioplasty on her tomorrow.

Please keep my mom in your thoughts and prayers.

03.24.02 3:17pm(0 comments)

If getting some sort of personal satisfaction from my misfortune will make you happy, by all means read on.

If you think you are better than me and need some sort of affirmation, read on.

If you need some fodder for personal jokes at my expense between you and you friends, you've found the place.

I was rejected twice today.

Both Battelle and Microsoft turned me down... one in the morning when I first woke up... one in the afternoon.

Battelle could only hire one person and they hired a former co-op. They told me to keep sending resume updates. It was a cool place and so I'll keep trying there.

Microsoft thought that I was less qualified than the people that I was competing against. That was a nice blow. They're right though. I am underqualified comparitively. However, I've only been programming for 2 years. I've come quite a long way in those two years, so I have to say that I haven't done that bad of job. Matter of fact, I'm pretty proud of what I've done with my CS major. It's too bad that MS didn't see that. Yeah, they're the "big bad corporation," but they had nice benefits and a great work environment.

So, that's 0 - 4. May Company, Creative Solutions, Battelle, and Microsoft have all turned me down. I can't get a job. I have one interview in April. Perhaps something will come of that. I'm skeptical.

My options. If I get a job at the new place, that would be great. However, I have to have a back up plan. What else can I do?

I can't move "back home." Nothing like that exists for me.

I could just not graduate in may and take summer courses and fall courses and graduate in the fall. This would help the "underqualified" issue. If I'm still a student, they'll probably let me work in the labs too. I do like my job now. However, people who've been in school 5 1/2 years have what we call A MASTERS DEGREE!

This leads me to my next option, grad school. I haven't taken the GRE, and I'm not really that great at standardized testing (or any testing for that matter). I'm kind of tired of school too. I want to make money for a bit and pay off my debts and *then* go take night courses to get my masters. Not to say that gradschool isn't useful, but I want to do something that is productive. I'm really tired of these random assignments that don't go for the common good.

What if I can't get into grad school and I can't get a job. What am I going to do? Where am I going to go? I really have no idea... seriously.

Maybe I'll get a cheap summer lease and a job in Bowling Green. In the meantime, I might take some cert courses and work towards something that might help me get a job. In the meantime, I'd hit career services pretty hard.

So those are the ideas for now. I am so scared about my future. I feel like I've let everyone around me down, family, my boyfriend, friends, including myself. I just don't know what to do.

Thank god for good friends. If Emily, Jon, and Amy weren't around, I don't know what I would've done. We tried out the new pub on campus and had a few beers, some bad but cheap food, and quite the conversation. It was a good time.

I'm still working on my CS program. It keeps segfaulting. I think that the reason why my program keeps segfaulting is somehow related to why I haven't gotten any job offers.

I hate not having any idea about what I'm going to do.

All you religious people out there... somebody.. anybody... please pray for me? I almost feel as if God is the only one who can help me now.

03.23.02 12:08am(1 comment)